Copying Richard Glover don't get you anywhere

NOTE: This is very self-centred, sarcastic and not very enjoyable on the whole. In fact, it's pretty much an emo whinge. So don't read it at all. But I found the topic one worth discussing.

Today I have been out of a relationship for a year exactly, and while the first three months may have been of choice, the nine after I have just been a failure. But why is this so? In the same time period, I have observed multiple times on a daily basis all my friends falling in and out of love. This seems to them to be an easy task. While I have been told recently that you only get liked when you're not looking for it, I have not yet been approached once in this year long time frame. Bear with me, groan, whatever - but hereupon I'll say I'm ugly. This is a fact and there is no changing that. However, I am only so ugly - and there are guys uglier than me who are managing to pick up. Now - they may be ugly, but they're not fat. I am fat. But then, there are guys fatter than me who pick up. Wtf. But wait Bookie, ugly guys pick up, fat guys pick up - however, you are BOTH you Shrek of a being. So I'm fat and ugly, eh. But even this works out, on the rare occasion. It's just so goddamn frustrating.

So - it must be personality, right. Girls don't care about looks, oh no, it's all about the charm. Keke, I am more intelligent, much funnier, way more empathising and understanding [i could deadset tick off all those "50 things girls wish a guy knew" lists]. Yet I still seem to be not liked by any female. Now the negative - whinger, jealous, sarcastic, attaching [but they are all caused by this frustration]. Plus most 18 year old females are sluts and go for hot guys anyway.

So, if it does come to looks, what is it? The six pack? The triceps? Ha, no, something more interesting. This is where Richard Glover comes in. Last Saturday, or Sunday, I can't remember, I'm a bit fail from then - there was an article about why Richard Glover got the flick in his days too; Hairy arms. I found this so hilariously true. Glover said how everyone would talk about his hairy arms and what not, and how the Chewbacca syndrome got him bullied. I didn't get bullied because I went to a school where testosterone was appreciated, and no way better to show that than a moustache in year 8, mutton chops in year 9 and a full chest in year 10 [as well as handlebars in year 11]. But the most common saying would be "oh my god you have hairy arms" or variations of the saying. Now that I am at uni, I still get it, from the same people. Some newbs, who are nice and confident enough to say so, usually open with a variation of the line too. Other people, who are not confident enough to say so [why hide from the truth?] will be thinking the same. Not one person has thought this a positive. Even testosterone appreciating peers are a bit put off by it. There are "you know there are girls who like a guy with hairy arms" every now and then. This is perhaps the worst thing to say, as surely any girl who would like this sort of thing would be pushing me onto the bed quicker than a man who needs to go to the sink after finding a hot chilli pepper hidden in his ice cream. This is not the case.

Bookie, stop whingeing, you say. Am I whingeing? Yes. Am I making a fair point? YES. To show you why, I will include the example that is my friend Phil Roser. Phil Roser is also single, intelligent, funny and a fairly good bloke. In addition, he is neither fat nor ugly! Though he is pasty and ranga. However, while he is in love with every woman he too comes across, he is at the moment single. Looks? No, he's fair ok. Personality? Nothing that couldn't charm. Hairy arms? OMG you are right. He has hairy arms.

Today, I was having lunch with a friend. In the cold winter climes of Newtown, we sat down and ate our food with our full sleeved attire. This friend, who we shall refer to as M, then pointed at the television screen at the bar. While he did this, his sleeve pushed back a bit and lo and behold - he too had very hairy arms. Perhaps as much as Phil, but not as much as I. Either way, fairly hairy. He's not single, but the best he could do was asian.

A friend of mine this evening told me that love comes to you when you're not looking for it. I don't know if she's right, but it most certainly won't come to you if they are looking at hairy arms.

Of course, all this unsubstantiated and based on a small sample size. During Semester 2, I will attempt to survey 50 males whom I believe possess hairy arms about their current relationship status. If more than 80% are single, I will believe that hairy arms equals weary arms, and that they are not very attractive. In addition, I will Veet off my arms so that I can lose that which makes me a man in order to gain a wo-man [hey when I last got into a relationship, my left arm was bare =P].

Thanks for reading, there are 800m to go to Haut Folin, where someone will gain 6 points to the king of the mountains jersey. And 47 km overall to the end of tonights stage. I love you all, see you soon.